I work as a writer and SEO, so my medium is understandably, writing.
Having said that, there is the medium of video and YouTube. YouTube has done for video what WordPress does for my writing. In the position I work in, for the company I work for (and I dare not put in a link to them because we monitor all links) I am the Communications Manager and Technical Writer; a nice title given to me without increasing my royalties! I also post instructional YouTube’s for work, but have yet to do any for myself.
If you are not used to YouTube, go there and type up a subject – from changing your oil to tuning your guitar (a friend found the subject of canning well covered!) to transgender and most anything you can think of. I found video instructions to reset the maintenance required light for my 2006 Scion Xb.
Here are a couple of my favorite people in the YouTube Transgender Community. Their videos are honest, educational, opinionated (sometimes), funny and often just plain entertaining.
Charlotte has a lot of videos – hours of amusement. I really liked her most recent one about detransitioning, so here is her link…
This is honest and very nearly word for word my own experience; except for the fishy’s part! I knew I had ‘crossed the line’ when I was not trying to present and was being viewed as a woman. I go to work, with french braided hair (more days than not) and am still always seen and refered to as my male self – even though I am clearly over the line. And before you ask – I have no problem with people who used to know me as a male refering to me by my male name. I respond to either and my old name is like a ‘nick-name’ reminding me of who my long term friends have been.
<<>>
CandiFLA offers some very educational comments to help the beginner. Most impressive is her control of voice – although she is gorgous as well!
For those of us in the TG community, there is a duty for support of each other as well as education for both inside and outside the community.
Warning, stop reading this right now. This article deals with the harshest subject in an honest manner.
You are not going to like what I am saying part of the time. You are going to think that I am wrong. Stop reading now.
IF you choose to start reading, then read it all, until the end, please. Please. It is a longish article and I will likely add to it upon more reflection and experiences.
Stop in the Name of Love
I started this blog with who I am… a journeyer
Here is the fairytale, the story that you want to live. This is the story you tell yourself that will make you feel complete. So you woke up one day and thought – “I am not going to live the lie anymore. I am going to be who I was always meant to be. I am going to become the person who has been inside and hiding for all these years.”
For years, you just blended in, ‘kind of’. No one really knew what was in your head, the monsters that came to you at night, the dreams you masturbated to. Occasionally you reveled something of yourself and you were thought of as gay, or a dyke or a CD; by a partner or stranger that wanted to pigeon-hole you. You went to work and nobody knew what was inside you, dying to get out. You went to church, got married, had kids… and still they did not know. Then one day, you say a couple sentences to try to sum up all that you have felt, dreamt, wished, thought and all that you hope will happen and BOOM the bomb goes off.
The Big Bomb
Then you go see a doctor, go see a therapist, go to marriage counselling, go see a lawyer – get a divorce, fight for custody, have some surgery – and what do you have left? Who are you now?
If you have already exploded it all, if you have already blown up all your past life in a planned, rush of a sequence of timed detonations, then I am going to tell you the truths you know – the ones that you already know and live with everyday. If you have not blown it all up then take a look at what I am offering to help you transition.
Calm Down
Take a calming breathe and repeat after me. Know who I am then what I want. FIRST – Know who you are, then SECOND – know what you want. Know who you are first and then what you want will just happen. Get it? Not quite yet, but this will help.
Time and time again when I encounter people who are unhappy and challenged, they are transitioning, or in love with someone transitioning. There is a swamp of feelings surrounding transition but most often I hear from people ”I did not know I was (they were) like that. If your true goal in transitioning is to ostracize your past and try to start with very little in tow, then make grand announcements of a character, behavioral change. If you wish to maintain something of your old life, then read on.
Transitioning need not be so painful. It need not be the rebirth that so many books and speakers seem to endorse. Not every person needs to fall from the sky, burn up to cinder then rise like the Phoenix (and that is the dream of many). If you think that you are prepared here for all the changes, read Astronaut Training first.
Missing the Right Arm
A Farmer looses an arm. Not an uncommon injury in some form or another across the country - much more common than F2M or M2F transitions, every year. The key here is what happens to the person after they lose the arm; the transition that might take place - and you should be able to imagine some tough scenarios here:
They wallow in self pity, retreating into a world with little social contact.
They feel like a freak, unable to do what others so easily do, and everyday is work just to keep up.
They change their character entirely towards the negative and become mean drunk and lose their family.
More often than not, a person with this sort of injury receives intensive therapy and, if they have the will, they return to their old life as they were. The lesson here is that if you were to lose an arm AND you want the people who always loved you to treat you the same, then keep your character. People can deal with the changes that come from you physically changing much more easily - they cannot adapt as well if you mentally change.
If your penis does not work, we have designed a drug so that you can make it work. The reason for that drug is two fold, less so for the operator but primarily so that things operate the same as they always have for the partner.
People have ‘character’ expectations of people they are with. If you change your character too much, people around you have a very hard time coping. Here is a man who retained his character after horrific life altering events. Read his story if you are not familiar with just how physically gifted he was before his accident and the character he maintained after the accident.
Women are subjected to a constant threat of a major body change. The result often changes the person they were. Once again, I will be bold saying that a partner, husband, family and friends will have little trouble with the transition IF your character remains intact. But, move towards Shame or Anger taken out on a family, or the partner – or one of the negative courses like the farmer above who lost his arm and that will send a message that you have changed, mentally. Mental – character changes are the toughest for people around you to comprehend and, in turn, continue with you in a relationship. Mental – Character changes leave those who love the altered person adrift in how they can be with them.
You can transition, live a great life and continue with family and especially your children…
Double Mastectomy means freedom and life to some
Who you are – Know who you are – FIRST.
What you want to do with transitioning comes after knowing who you are, first. Too often we become lost on the “who we are becoming” journey and forget that there are many things about who we are and have been that are what others (and often ourselves) enjoy most about us. We spent a childhood, adolescence, adulthood forming who we are; not all of it needs to be left behind during transition.
So, if you really want to “get lost” and be forgotten, transition how you are. Most people transition and leave behind all that they ever knew. But this is not the only way…
Now about Children…
So you have decided to transition and you want to freak your kids out. This is easy, tell them just the way you did your partner, wife/husband, friends. Now if you want to maintain being with your children and you are switching which gender you are attracted to in a partner, this will complicate things – but only a bit – but that is a different article.
NOW, the part about kids and family. This is the secret recipe to give you the best chance at happiness IF you wish to maintain those around you AND be able to transition with them. You are going to need to keep your character consistent here, in spite of all the other changes that you will be doing. It is the little things that shake up the situation. Here are some M2F examples…
Refuse to mow the lawn because it is not ‘womanly’; or you might break a nail
Stop working on cars and get to the point where changing your own tire is beyond you
Go from confident business adviser to shaken, insecure person
Only do ‘girley’ things in a ‘girley’ way
People who care about you just can’t handle the change – and that is not their fault. You have a responsibility to yourself first, and then to them. Ask yourself if you are being real when (and this is because I am such a car gal) you tell your wife, children that “even though you have been a mechanic for 15 years, you are not able to do anything on a car at all now because you are becoming a woman” – and this is a true story, because I heard the woman who was so proud of her new “F” on her driver’s license say this to me!! How are people who know you supposed to keep up if you change who you are as a result of what you want?
My son
You want to make it easier for your children? It is easy (and I am using 17 years teaching and 10 years as a stay at home father as my basis here). Retain your character with your children. Regardless of what your character is, retain it or make your character better for your children.
The real secret here is that you have to be who you are before your transition.
As an afterthought (I stumbled upon this video late October), this is a good message to Transgender individuals who are ‘over doing it’ or who are trying to figure out how to ‘act’.
Ready to read about the side effects (or are those ‘desired effects’)? I did what few M2F TS’s do, I have been on the hormones and off a number of times. The last time I was off was during the past summer, for two months. I go off of them to remind myself what I was, where I am and to let my brain ‘balance out’. I also like the learning experience of the changes in the brain.
Yes, I am a Scot
I have now been on hormones long enough (2 years in Feb 2009) this time that how my brain feels normal; seems natural, with the hormones – but here are my views and observations.
Mental:
When on the hormones, the world and my responses to the world and all the situations seemmore colourfulandwide ranging – when off of the hormones, it is much more black and white, with some variations of gray.
When on the hormones, I feel I have more creativity and am relaxed – when off of them; I feel driven (although often less focused) and at times, agitated.
When on the hormones, I can relax all Sunday, play some video games, watch a movie, go for a drive and just lay around; guiltless! – when off of them, I wake up with an agenda, head down the stairs or go out to the garage and immediately start working; until I am done the chore list in my head!
Physical:
When on the hormones, I have increased skin sensitivity (intolerance?) - when off, my nipples can be sucked really hard!
When on the hormones, I have some reduced libido (no surprise) but a increased duration for orgasm – when off, well, I have 4 children with 3 women and would have had lots more; my sex drive was a bit high…
On the hormones there has been body changes; Breast fat / developement (C cups), fat redistribution on hips and thighs where I had none, rounder buttocks (although mine were always shapely), muscle loss (with what I estimate to be a 25% loss in strength and 40% loss in stamina), softer smoother skin, softening of facial features – no real surprises, just what you would expect as secondary characteristics caused by hormones, whether in a GG (genuine girl) during puberty or a TG on hormones.
What hormones do NOT do:
The do not give you a higher voice… sorry – and that is the tip of the iceberg of denied life skills offered to women that need to be learned by an M2F.
Most importantly, they do not ‘rewire’ you to act like a women – that takes all the rest of your brain. Depending on your age, you have spent a long time learning all the things that society can offer to help you behave correctly in your infant assigned blue or pink box.
Everything is learned – how you walk, talk, hold your hands, look at people, smile, frown, laugh, cry. The level of things that define gender goes so far beyond the flesh bag of the human body. Breasts say you are a women, your hands accepting returned change in a store can say all male. The scale of the body – being a large M2F or a small F2M says less about your gender than how you walk and stand when trying to ‘pass’.
Beyond getting the hormones, the approval of a shrink to be on this path, the understanding of family and friends – you will need to be a skilled social observer and mimicker.
Coming soon – an article or two about social mimicry.
I will write more about these ’socially’ taught aspects of being ‘passible’. I would also suggest that you read as much as you can from socialigists and gender observers, such as Desmond Morris, one of my favorites (The Naked Ape, Manwatching, Bodywatching and Peoplewatching), Tracie O’Keefe w/ Katrina Fox (Finding the Real Me) as well as many other. The key will lie in your ability to take in social observations and relearn it in your own life.
Well, if you are looking for the Holy Grail, you are likely as to be as successful here as King Arthur was in Monty Python’s “The Holy Grail “.
I am a TG – or Gender Transformer. I also go by Intersexed. I am also Gynophilic (if you don’t know what it is, look it up!).
I have been interested in hormones for a long time. My first ’bout with them was almost 20 years ago {shimmering waves, fade to sepia tone} when I was under 30 and married to a clinical pharmacist who agreed to mess around with me – well the messing was that she supplied the hormones and I took them.
The end result after 1.5 years of experimental mixing a cocktail of estrogen and progesterone was that I had little booblets and some reshaping of body fat. Otherwise, I was a normal looking male (I was told recently that, and I looked, quote ‘as looking “GQ”‘ back then’). I had a handsome beard, full head of hair and the suntanned look of a sailor – which I was while off cruising! Oh, and I always had short hair because my wife kept it cut that way.
Watching the sunset
This time ’round was different. I was serious and I took a serious approach to the hormones and the rest of the body mods. I also grew my hair, two years when this picture was taken.
So, here is my serious recipe for hormones. Oh, and you need a doctor to check you out so that you do not blow up your liver…. or cause other damage.
First, before the hormones;
Do not smoke – it ages the skin and makes you look like shit. It also slows cellular repair.
Do not drink – Common sense here. Now, you can drink on rare occasion BUT, your liver is processing enough hormones to turn your testosterone off and fire up your body for being a girl.
Eat well – Simple, just eat good foods. You know which ones I am talking about. You can add vitamins, but eat well FIRST then take vitamins. A tomatoe a day keeps cancer away.
Drink lots of water and milk – Yes, you need lots of fluids moving through the liver and kidneys. Milk - is just common sense, calcium and vitamin D and the only single source of a complete set of amino acids for your body.
OK, so I sound like I am nagging. Here are the real goals – you want to change your body, you want your body to respond and you do not want to harm your body – right? Simple. It will do you no good to get to the place of being a girl AND needing a liver transplant.
I was married to a clinical pharmacist and I am a Wilderness EMT. I am not a health wacko, but I heal quickly and do not scar. I have never had any surgery, stitches or broken long bones. I have summited mountains, sailed oceans, trekked canyons and travelled foreign lands. I lived for over a decade and a half with no health care.
Ok, you have been patient – so here is my formula for hormones. This works well enough for me that I have pleasant C cup breasts, some nice hips, soft features and (regrettably) some loss in muscle tone… all after a 1.5 year course. Not bad for someone who used to body-build. I do have plans for an Inguinal Orchiectomy – at some time. I will outline my course of body action in a later posting.
I take two different meds:
Spirotone 100; Spironolactone 100mg – 3x daily in AM
Spironolactone acts as an antiandrogen of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone. Spironolactone in doses of 200–400 mg per day allows the practitioner to decrease exogenous estrogen doses tophysiologic or “hormone replacement” levels while still obtaining desired effects of breast development, feminization of skin, and female fat distribution.
Conjugated estrogens such as Premarin 5 mg daily.
Estradiol such as Progynova (Oestradiol Valerate) or Estrofem 4 mg daily.
So, you can see, I am a little heavy on the Estrofem. My calves can’t take any higher dose of the Spirotone! I dissolve the Estrofem under my tongue (purportedly easier on the liver). Patience will be your watchword here. There is much written about the ‘phases’ of hormones and their effect. I have kept my own rational observations – as well as those of my partner (so you can get an inside and outside view). More to come soon! The fat movement will start about a year into the hormones.
Oh – if you have read this far – bonus!
2 things.
Yes, I will be showing some frontal and full body pictures; not naked I think I am decent looking and passable (like that were the real measure of a ‘good TG’ – whatever).
Yes, I still get great erections, orgasms and some ejaculation (although there have been some dry ones). It takes a bit more time, but not much more! Use it or lose it was what I was told…
I have been composing my own story for a long time. There has been snipetts of other peoples information that I have strongly approved of while researching for writing and understanding Gender.
The choice (or not) for moving into a new gender is not to be taken lightly. I am originally from Calgary, Alberta - here is the story of a women also from Canada.
I would like you to meet Megan, she is young (I suspect the median age for M2F SRS is commonly 36-38).
In Megan’s own words – I’m a 22 year old Trans Girl from Saskatchewan, Canada. I’m a post-op Male to Female transsexual (in technical terms) but I prefer to be considered a woman. I’m currently in the recovery stage from my Surgery. I had the GRS surgery with Dr. Chettawut in Thailand on July 2nd 2008 and I’m very happy with my results. I’m also orgasmic as I have experienced my very first (also very intense :3) orgasm on September 22nd 2008. I’m currently rethinking my goals for the future and I hope to continue my vlog here on YouTube.
From over a year ago – just on hormones. August 2007
Arrival in Thailand for “the operation”! July 2008
2 months after the SRS. September 2008
The choice to do this at what is a young age in North America is indeed brave. Many older M2F’s have commented that they wish they had done it while younger.
I think I am decent looking and passable (like that were the real measure of a ‘good TG’ – whatever).