OK, those are strong words, but read on, educate yourself with PF OX’s mission. This is best summed up here… with some interesting propaganda in the ‘about us’ of PF OX.

The original article; http://pfox.org/Former_Transgender_Tells_His_Story.html

Here is Grishno’s commentary to that story (brilliant writing and delivery). I love her emotion and action.

http://www.youtube.com/user/grishno

Now you have read the story – and heard the response. PF OX is a self serving “Christian” group who enjoys the rescuing of Gays, Lesbians and TG’s. People who get confused about sexuality, sexual orientation and gender, wandering to the whim of others, can be equally swayed by the pseudo-Christian group who acts notably, UN-Christian.

This goes back to my statement to everyone, TG and others. If you want to be happy, complete, secure - Know who you are, FIRST – then know what you want (second). If you get confused and do what you want before you know who you then it will be a rough road in your life of empty quests.

Lastly, Come on Christians, act like good Christians – act Christ-like in your understanding, compassion, forgiveness and love for people that you really know nothing about. Christ never said anything about tolerance – and the LGBT community does not need just tolerance, but the higher calling be held to the Christians who express their distaste for the community of LGBT. I am a good Catholic and Christian…

I work as a writer and SEO, so my medium is understandably, writing.

Having said that, there is the medium of video and YouTube. YouTube has done for video what WordPress does for my writing. In the position I work in, for the company I work for (and I dare not put in a link to them because we monitor all links) I am the Communications Manager and Technical Writer; a nice title given to me without increasing my royalties! I also post instructional YouTube’s for work, but have yet to do any for myself.

If you are not used to YouTube, go there and type up a subject – from changing your oil to tuning your guitar (a friend found the subject of canning well covered!) to transgender and most anything you can think of. I found video instructions to reset the maintenance required light for my 2006 Scion Xb.

Here are a couple of my favorite people in the YouTube Transgender Community. Their videos are honest, educational, opinionated (sometimes), funny and often just plain entertaining.

Charlotte has a lot of videos – hours of amusement. I really liked her most recent one about detransitioning, so here is her link…

http://www.youtube.com/user/karmatic1110

This is honest and very nearly word for word my own experience; except for the fishy’s part! I knew I had ‘crossed the line’ when I was not trying to present and was being viewed as a woman. I go to work, with french braided hair (more days than not) and am still always seen and refered to as my male self – even though I am clearly over the line. And before you ask – I have no problem with people who used to know me as a male refering to me by my male name. I respond to either and my old name is like a ‘nick-name’ reminding me of who my long term friends have been.

<<>>

CandiFLA offers some very educational comments to help the beginner. Most impressive is her control of voice – although she is gorgous as well!

http://www.youtube.com/user/candiFLA

the video explains itself…

For those of us in the TG community, there is a duty for support of each other as well as education for both inside and outside the community.

 Warning, stop reading this right now. This article deals with the harshest subject in an honest manner. 

You are not going to like what I am saying part of the time. You are going to think that I am wrong. Stop reading now.

IF you choose to start reading, then read it all, until the end, please. Please. It is a longish article and I will likely add to it upon more reflection and experiences.

Stop in the Name of Love

I started this blog with who I am… a journeyer

Here is the fairytale, the story that you want to live. This is the story you tell yourself that will make you feel complete. So you woke up one day and thought – “I am not going to live the lie anymore. I am going to be who I was always meant to be. I am going to become the person who has been inside and hiding for all these years.”

For years, you just blended in, ‘kind of’. No one really knew what was in your head, the monsters that came to you at night, the dreams you masturbated to. Occasionally you reveled something of yourself and you were thought of as gay, or a dyke or a CD; by a partner or stranger that wanted to pigeon-hole you. You went to work and nobody knew what was inside you, dying to get out. You went to church, got married, had kids… and still they did not know. Then one day, you say a couple sentences to try to sum up all that you have felt, dreamt, wished, thought and all that you hope will happen and BOOM the bomb goes off.

The Big Bomb

Then you go see a doctor, go see a therapist, go to marriage counselling, go see a lawyer – get a divorce, fight for custody, have some surgery – and what do you have left? Who are you now?

If you have already exploded it all, if you have already blown up all your past life in a planned, rush of a sequence of timed detonations, then I am going to tell you the truths you know – the ones that you already know and live with everyday. If you have not blown it all up then take a look at what I am offering to help you transition.

Calm Down

 Take a calming breathe and repeat after me. Know who I am then what I want. FIRST – Know who you are, then SECOND – know what you want. Know who you are first and then what you want will just happen. Get it? Not quite yet, but this will help.

Time and time again when I encounter people who are unhappy and challenged, they are transitioning, or in love with someone transitioning. There is a swamp of feelings surrounding transition but most often I hear from people ”I did not know I was (they were) like that. If your true goal in transitioning is to ostracize your past and try to start with very little in tow, then make grand announcements of a character, behavioral change. If you wish to maintain something of your old life, then read on.

Transitioning need not be so painful. It need not be the rebirth that so many books and speakers seem to endorse. Not every person needs to fall from the sky, burn up to cinder then rise like the Phoenix (and that is the dream of many). If you think that you are prepared here for all the changes, read Astronaut Training first.

Missing the Right Arm

A Farmer looses an arm. Not an uncommon injury in some form or another across the country - much more common than F2M or M2F transitions, every year. The key here is what happens to the person after they lose the arm; the transition that might take place - and you should be able to imagine some tough scenarios here:

• They wallow in self pity, retreating into a world with little social contact.
• They feel like a freak, unable to do what others so easily do, and everyday is work just to keep up.
• They change their character entirely towards the negative and become mean drunk and lose their family.

More often than not, a person with this sort of injury receives intensive therapy and, if they have the will, they return to their old life as they were. The lesson here is that if you were to lose an arm AND you want the people who always loved you to treat you the same, then keep your character. People can deal with the changes that come from you physically changing much more easily - they cannot adapt as well if you mentally change.

If your penis does not work, we have designed a drug so that you can make it work. The reason for that drug is two fold, less so for the operator but primarily so that things operate the same as they always have for the partner.

People have ‘character’ expectations of people they are with. If you change your character too much, people around you have a very hard time coping. Here is a man who retained his character after horrific life altering events. Read his story if you are not familiar with just how physically gifted he was before his accident and the character he maintained after the accident.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Reeve

Mastectomy and the body changing impact

Women are subjected to a constant threat of a major body change. The result often changes the person they were. Once again, I will be bold saying that a partner, husband, family and friends will have little trouble with the transition IF your character remains intact. But, move towards Shame or Anger taken out on a family, or the partner – or one of the negative courses like the farmer above who lost his arm and that will send a message that you have changed, mentally. Mental – character changes are the toughest for people around you to comprehend and, in turn, continue with you in a relationship. Mental – Character changes leave those who love the altered person adrift in how they can be with them.

Also Liu Yan – http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/19/arts/dance/19barb.html

You can transition, live a great life and continue with family and especially your children…

Double Mastectomy means freedom and life to some

Who you are – Know who you are – FIRST.

What you want to do with transitioning comes after knowing who you are, first. Too often we become lost on the “who we are becoming” journey and forget that there are many things about who we are and have been that are what others (and often ourselves) enjoy most about us. We spent a childhood, adolescence, adulthood forming who we are; not all of it needs to be left behind during transition.

So, if you really want to “get lost” and be forgotten, transition how you are. Most people transition and leave behind all that they ever knew. But this is not the only way…

Now about Children…

So you have decided to transition and you want to freak your kids out. This is easy, tell them just the way you did your partner, wife/husband, friends. Now if you want to maintain being with your children and you are switching which gender you are attracted to in a partner, this will complicate things – but only a bit – but that is a different article.

NOW, the part about kids and family. This is the secret recipe to give you the best chance at happiness IF you wish to maintain those around you AND be able to transition with them. You are going to need to keep your character consistent here, in spite of all the other changes that you will be doing. It is the little things that shake up the situation. Here are some M2F examples…

• Refuse to mow the lawn because it is not ‘womanly’; or you might break a nail
• Stop working on cars and get to the point where changing your own tire is beyond you
• Go from confident business adviser to shaken, insecure person
• Only do ‘girley’ things in a ‘girley’ way

People who care about you just can’t handle the change – and that is not their fault. You have a responsibility to yourself first, and then to them. Ask yourself if you are being real when (and this is because I am such a car gal) you tell your wife, children that “even though you have been a mechanic for 15 years, you are not able to do anything on a car at all now because you are becoming a woman” – and this is a true story, because I heard the woman who was so proud of her new “F” on her driver’s license say this to me!! How are people who know you supposed to keep up if you change who you are as a result of what you want?

My son

You want to make it easier for your children? It is easy (and I am using 17 years teaching and 10 years as a stay at home father as my basis here). Retain your character with your children. Regardless of what your character is, retain it or make your character better for your children.

The real secret here is that you have to be who you are before your transition.

As an afterthought (I stumbled upon this video late October), this is a good message to Transgender individuals who are ‘over doing it’ or who are trying to figure out how to ‘act’.

I know, it is an odd title… read to the end of the article and it will make more sense.

Nasa

You can ‘test’ a person for almost anything, right? You can run a psychological profile on a person and still never really understand them. You can prepare humans for nearly any situation – yet 1/3 of all people who attend a first aid course are unable to use the skills taught to them at the time they need those skills. All those people passed the first aid class; they passed the tests and were observed by trained individuals.

There is no real testing that can prepare a transitioning person. I know, there is a protocol for testing that will free most Doctors of ‘liability’. There is also the element of the ‘year long test’ as well as counseling.

Here is some reality:

I know a friend, M2F, who started living full time as a women in July. By August, a doctor had already agreed to sign the papers needed to put the “F” on the drivers license. She then attended some monthly therapy. By the next spring, a mere 6 months later, she had made arrangements for a vaginoplasty. After 60 years of life and thirty seven years of marriage and less than one year of living publicly as a women, she received her operation. With less than 50 hours of therapy and support, she was now in her life. Her wife of 30+ years went through all the transition (and also met with counsellors – and ‘passed’). They separated.

I met another person, F2M, who was in a group. He was good looking and full on passable, with obvious hormone treatments that allowed a nice mustache and male body. The most interesting thing was where he had learned to “be a male”. He had followed in the path of another supportive friend. He had learned best (and acknowledged this) to mimic male behavior from a Dyke. Although the dyke was transitioning, they were clearly in all mannerism, still a dyke. This was made most obvious in the aggressive (self proclaimed “dickish” behavior) and the walk with full shoulderswing. The result was a short fellow who walks like a body builder and has the mannerisms and talk of an angry Lesbian.

The transgender suicide rate is one of the highest incidents of any social group in America.

So what about Astronaut Training then?

To prepare a person to go into space takes thousands of hours of training. Most career astronauts have spent time with the air force before NASA. The level of training and testing is second to none. Astronauts are subjected to the highest mental and physical stresses a person can take.

So, no transgendered person is really as ready as they should be. You can never really know if, during all their training and testing, will they be able to survive in what is an irreversible situation by most measures.

Trained Astronaut and Naval Officer drives 900 miles in a diaper to kidnap and assault a women dating a man that she had wanted. The headlines are impossible to believe at the time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak

Met Lisa Nowak. A beautiful women who could have nearly any man she desired. Nowak was a respected Naval Officer. She was selected by NASA in 1996 and qualified as a mission specialist in robotics.Nowak flew aboard Space Shuttle Discovery during mission STS-121 in July 2006. Nowak gained international attention on February 5, 2007, when she was arrested in Orlando, Florida, and subsequently charged with the attempted kidnapping of U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman, the girlfriend of astronaut William Oefelein.

on February 4–5, 2007. She had packed latex gloves, a black wig, a BB pistol and ammunition, pepper spray, a hooded tan trench coat, a 2-pound hammer drill, black gloves, rubber tubing, plastic garbage bags, about US$585 in cash, her computer, an eight-inch (203 mm) Gerber folding knife and several other items before driving the 900 miles (1,450 km) to Florida. 

Lisa Nowak was tested for character behavior, mental stability, standards, morals – tested and challenged both physically and mentally in ways few people are subjected to. She was trained to survive a crash landing, survive being in a hostile enviorment, survive in space. And still, she did the unthinkable – and – unpredictable. What really went through her mind is known only to her. Lisa started a journey of nearly 1000 miles, had plenty of time to reconsider, gather her wits – yet, she carried out what she had planned until it went wrong (what was she going to do with the hammer drill?) - and without a doubt, she knew it was wrong, crazy and emotionally disturbed all the time she planned it and them drove towards that terminal destination.

So in the transgender person, you receive less training and practice than a welder, EMT, peace corp, missionaries, fireman, social worker, daycare worker… the list goes on. I hope that my point is made. When crossing the gender barrier, a person needs to be trained and tested as they would to live in a foreign country will all new customs.

The real point is this:

• There is not enough cross testing and training – it needs to be done with more than a single couple of doctors doing 1 hour of observation a week / month (You could ‘fake’ anything to get what you thought you wanted for an hour – right?).
• Preparation needs to be in socially varied groups, not socially isolated groups. To find sole security in approving groups is not a real world test.
• There needs to be followup.

Honestly, what is needed by everybody making a transition is a few mentors who have made the journey successfully and quite a few people who can offer supportive, yet accurate direction for the person. This journey is often done with too few people and too much emphasis on the “end goal” – which is not a final goal, but the landing on an alien planet without the support you were used to here on earth. Ultimately, many TG’s make the transition, but they are never really prepared to land on that foreign soil.

I have written much about Gender; about society, the community and the person transitioning. Additionally, with the some 20,000 words here on this blog, I have increased the number of videos. If a picture is worth a 1000 words….

Here is some positive, social information. There are a number of agencies, companies and service agencies that are making some efforts to inform ‘norms’ to understand and even welcome transgender people.

From the Chicago Police Department, an informational video for the staff and the public.

20/20 – Gender, a 5 part episode. This series by Barbara Walters is societies attempt (with some success) at understanding Gender, what it means to families, their children and the media. This series concentrates on transgendered children.

From the moment we’re born, our gender identity is no secret. We’re either a boy or a girl. Gender organizes our world into pink or blue. As we grow up, most of us naturally fit into our gender roles. Girls wear dresses and play with dolls. For boys, it’s pants and trucks.

But for some children, what’s between their legs doesn’t match what’s between their ears — they insist they were born into the wrong body. They are transgender children, diagnosed with gender identity disorder, and their parents insist this is not a phase.
“A phase is called a phase because it is just that. It ends. And this is not ending. This is just getting stronger,” Renee Jennings told ABC News’ Barbara Walters. The Jennings asked that “20/20″ not disclose their real name in order to protect the identity of their 6-year old transgender daughter, Jazz.

Most transgender children still live in the shadows, hiding from a world that sees them as freaks of nature. Rejected by their families, many grow up hating their bodies, and fall victim to high rates of depression, drug abuse, violence and suicide.
Today, hundreds of families with transgender children — who have found each other over the Internet — are taking a dramatically different course. They’re allowing their children to live in the gender they identify with in order to save them from a future of heartache and pain.
“I think we’re a very normal family,” said Renee’s husband, Scott. “I think we have a very healthy marriage. We love to watch our children in all of their activities, whether it’s at school, or on the field playing sports.”

On the surface, the Jennings and their four children are a typical American family. But their youngest child, Jazz, is only in kindergarten, and already she is one of the youngest known cases of an early transition from male to female.
“We’ll say things like, ‘You’re special. God made you special.’ Because there aren’t very many little girls out there that have a penis,” said Renee. “Renee and I are in 100 percent agreement as to how we should raise Jazz,” said Scott. “We don’t encourage, we support. And we just keep listening to what she tells us.”
From the moment he could speak, Jazz made it clear he wanted to wear a dress. At only 15 months, he would unsnap his onesies to make it look like a dress. When his parents praised Jazz as a “good boy,” he would correct them, saying he was a good girl.
The Jennings wanted to believe it would pass. Scott said he “was in a bit of denial” about what Jazz was trying to tell them. After all, even their rowdy twin boys, who are two years older than Jazz, had painted their nails growing up. But Jazz kept gravitating to girl things, insisting that his penis was a mistake.

There is a ground swell, a change from the 80’s ’sex image’ of a TG Girl presenting her penis in a porn video. There is movement to “allow” transgender people to keep their jobs and to transition. Almost 125+ Fortune 500 companies have nondiscrimination policies in place that accommodate transgender peoples through their transition – while maintaining their jobs.

I think I need to mention something about bashing.

I have been asked a number of times if I had experienced any form of ‘bashing’ or threats. I never really had much ‘bashing’, even when young. I considered this question of bashing seriously – and do not think that my friends asking me “so are you really keep it?” – for now (wink) – is bashing. Well, up until this month, not once did I ever really feel that (and this is my view) “someone was threatened enough to communicate that feeling to me by ‘bashing’ me”.

The first article I wrote about and posted to this weblog after an initial self introduction was an article about Lawrence King been killed (for reputably being either gay, or transgendered).

If you have been bashed and post your story to my comments, I will take a look at it and add it to this new posting called “Transgender Bashing“.

Here is my story.

I came into the breakfast cafe in Sultan, ready for a day of winter offroading. Walking in, I spotted my best friend (a mechanic and former club president); who greeted me warmly with a hug.. Although not ‘dressed up’, there has been enough changes in the past couple of years that my best friends mother and x-wife failed to recognize me! I wore just enough eye makeup that it was to run later in the 6 inches of snow that fell that day. I was then greeted warmly by the ‘old guard’ of the club while all the rest continued on with breakfast. Shortly before I was to head outside to the parked Land Rovers, I was ‘banged’ rather hard on the leg (similar to how you give someone a Charley Horse with your knee) by a fellow ‘walking by’. There was no words, just a hard look. That was it – the extent of my bashing.

A fellow member, who is gay, spoke to me later about a trip they had been on and this very same fellow (we will call; “wanker”) was extremely vocal about his negative opinions about gays and ‘that type of people. My gay friend told me he chose to remain closeted to avoid this fellows harshness.

Now keep in mind, since you don’t really know me, I have a reputation for toughness in the out-of-doors. I am not huge – unless you think 6′0 and 220 is huge. I used to be able to lift and install a 2.0l Volkswagen engine (complete and without help) and one time body built. No one ever hit me again after grade 9 – ever.

So later that day, we are standing around a campfire and this Wanker speaks up about his bit of outdoor experience. My best friend and my other friends listen to Wanker talk - and he looks on disparagingly towards me. I listened then one of my friends spoke – I offered my .02 as an outdoor professional, with a degree and 25 years + experience. Apparently Wanker’s ‘bash’ did not go unmissed by the X (and I would say her name, but to protect her, lets call her “Determined”) of my best friend; when she heard Wanker tell how ‘tough’ he was (at perhaps 165, 5′6″ and small man’s syndrome). The Determined then offered Wanker this story; some 5 years ago, while on a camping trip, 5 grown men were not enough to make me succumb.

Summary… Wanker was an overzealous search and rescue fellow with aspirations of sheriff hood. He later came around and talked to me while around the fire. He never could quite figure it out, even when talking to me (if you know what I mean) – the old friends all called me David and he kept seeing a girl with her lesbian partner. I never did really clear up my position with Wanker – nor did he seem open to any such clearing. I guess I will write an article later about

So what do I have to offer? Well, I have lost some muscle and stamina as well as I look like a tall girl. But to would be bashers out there, you never can tell if someone has Judo, fencing, karate, sword fighting, firearm and military combat training experience; was the sparing partner to my friend who attended the Western Canada Games, heavyweight wrestling… and I never assault anyone, ever – but I can defend myself.

I am not sure if I like what I wrote here – it opens me up for some negative opinions… we will see. I don’t hurt anyone, I never get angry, but I never allow myself to be really hurt. I guess that it was better than grabbing the Wanker by the throat and throwing him to the ground – which would have been decidedly unlady like.

Blue is for Boys

The Blue Boy

Pink is for Girls

Pinkie

That seems simple, right? All things are linked to history – nothing is (or was) forever although it does seem cyclic. I am a writer – well, technically, a professional technical writer and a communications manager. Titles given to me by people who pay me. I do enjoy research and writing though.

Most everyone; who has; had a baby, thought of having a baby, seen a baby or gone to get presents for an expectant mother knows – blue is for boys and pink is for girls. I had 1 pink and 3 blue babies in my own life.

A bit of colourful history then…

Timeline:

16th Century – “Blue Coat Schools” for poor boys, they were all dressed in the same blue coats (girls did not go to school) in England. Blue dye is the cheapest clothing dye. 

1770’s – Thomas Gainsborough paints The Blue Boy. The companion piece, was – The Pink Boy. Boys in England were not yet “assigned a color”. Both romantic period paintings were seen as appropriately coloured.

1800’s – Babies are considered – well, just babies. The notice of Boy vs Girl came when the child was truly mobile, capable of some understanding and, they had grown enough to have missed that high infant mortality rate of the time. Early infant graves often had no name other than “Baby“.

Victorian and Edwardian portraits of baby boys often depict pink clothing as the colour of choice.

Prior to 1900 – The choice color for babies clothes in America is – the color white

The Sunday Sentinal, March 29, 1914 advises mothers “”If you like the color note on the little ones garments, use pink for the boy and blue for the girl, if you are a follower of convention.” Colored ribbons used on clothes often followed these conventions. Brought to the USA from the UK.

1920’s – two famous paintings from the UK are purchased by a Californian; Pinkie and The Blue Boy. They are forever displayed; and thus bound together. People all through the 40’s and 50’s buy copies of the two paintings and display them together (I have one from my grandmother in a 50’s print). The paintings were by different artists, painted some 25 years apart with clothing styles 150 years apart.

1930’s – Germany adopts pink as the popular color for girls. During WW2, Germany uses the yellow Star of David to identify Jews and pink triangles to ’mark’ homosexuals.

1950’s – The distinction of “blue is for boys, pink is for girls” becomes widely accepted in the US. Some say that Pinkie and The Blue Boy are responsible for this. Pink also gets associated at this time with gays and lesbians; perhaps a carry-over from Germany?

It has really been just a few years – some 60 years since the blue and pink were used to identify the newborns in the United States.

The relevance is this: Gender is also a function of society, the choices the social group makes to identify a gender and the definition that forms the children into adults displaying the current acceptable gender roles. In Asia, babies are often dressed in red (the color of celebration), while white is used for mourning.

In my ‘boy’ mode, I always wore greens, browns and earth tones. In my ‘girl’ mode, I wear purple, rust and burgandy tones.  Not quite Blue and Pink – but close enough.

Well, I told you about the cocktail of hormones that I take in the first article on Hormones.

Ready to read about the side effects (or are those ‘desired effects’)? I did what few M2F TS’s do, I have been on the hormones and off a number of times. The last time I was off was during the past summer, for two months. I go off of them to remind myself what I was, where I am and to let my brain ‘balance out’. I also like the learning experience of the changes in the brain.

Yes, I am a Scot

 I have now been on hormones long enough (2 years in Feb 2009) this time that how my brain feels normal; seems natural, with the hormones – but here are my views and observations.

Mental:

When on the hormones, the world and my responses to the world and all the situations seem more colourful and wide ranging – when off of the hormones, it is much more black and white, with some variations of gray.

When on the hormones, I feel I have more creativity and am relaxed – when off of them; I feel driven (although often less focused) and at times, agitated.

When on the hormones, I can relax all Sunday, play some video games, watch a movie, go for a drive and just lay around; guiltless! – when off of them, I wake up with an agenda, head down the stairs or go out to the garage and immediately start working; until I am done the chore list in my head!

Physical:

When on the hormones, I have increased skin sensitivity (intolerance?) - when off, my nipples can be sucked really hard!

When on the hormones, I have some reduced libido (no surprise) but a increased duration for orgasm – when off, well, I have 4 children with 3 women and would have had lots more; my sex drive was a bit high…

On the hormones there has been body changes; Breast fat / developement (C cups), fat redistribution on hips and thighs where I had none, rounder buttocks (although mine were always shapely), muscle loss (with what I estimate to be a 25% loss in strength and 40% loss in stamina), softer smoother skin, softening of facial features – no real surprises, just what you would expect as secondary characteristics caused by hormones, whether in a GG (genuine girl) during puberty or a TG on hormones.

What hormones do NOT do:

The do not give you a higher voice… sorry – and that is the tip of the iceberg of denied life skills offered to women that need to be learned by an M2F.

Most importantly, they do not ‘rewire’ you to act like a women – that takes all the rest of your brain. Depending on your age, you have spent a long time learning all the things that society can offer to help you behave correctly in your infant assigned blue or pink box.

Everything is learned – how you walk, talk, hold your hands, look at people, smile, frown, laugh, cry. The level of things that define gender goes so far beyond the flesh bag of the human body. Breasts say you are a women, your hands accepting returned change in a store can say all male. The scale of the body – being a large M2F or a small F2M says less about your gender than how you walk and stand when trying to ‘pass’.

Beyond getting the hormones, the approval of a shrink to be on this path, the understanding of family and friends – you will need to be a skilled social observer and mimicker.

Coming soon – an article or two about social mimicry.

I will write more about these ’socially’ taught aspects of being ‘passible’. I would also suggest that you read as much as you can from socialigists and gender observers, such as Desmond Morris, one of my favorites (The Naked Ape, Manwatching, Bodywatching and Peoplewatching), Tracie O’Keefe w/ Katrina Fox (Finding the Real Me) as well as many other. The key will lie in your ability to take in social observations and relearn it in your own life.

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Introduction_to_Sociology/Gender

Well, if you are looking for the Holy Grail, you are likely as to be as successful here as King Arthur was in Monty Python’s “The Holy Grail “.

I am a TG – or Gender Transformer. I also go by Intersexed. I am also Gynophilic (if you don’t know what it is, look it up!).

I have been interested in hormones for a long time. My first ’bout with them was almost 20 years ago {shimmering waves, fade to sepia tone} when I was under 30 and married to a clinical pharmacist who agreed to mess around with me – well the messing was that she supplied the hormones and I took them.

The end result after 1.5 years of experimental mixing a cocktail of estrogen and progesterone was that I had little booblets and some reshaping of body fat. Otherwise, I was a normal looking male (I was told recently that, and I looked, quote ‘as looking “GQ”‘ back then’). I had a handsome beard, full head of hair and the suntanned look of a sailor – which I was while off cruising! Oh, and I always had short hair because my wife kept it cut that way.

Watching the sunset

This time ’round was different. I was serious and I took a serious approach to the hormones and the rest of the body mods. I also grew my hair, two years when this picture was taken.

So, here is my serious recipe for hormones. Oh, and you need a doctor to check you out so that you do not blow up your liver…. or cause other damage.

First, before the hormones;

Do not smoke – it ages the skin and makes you look like shit. It also slows cellular repair.

Do not drink – Common sense here. Now, you can drink on rare occasion BUT, your liver is processing enough hormones to turn your testosterone off and fire up your body for being a girl.

Eat well – Simple, just eat good foods. You know which ones I am talking about. You can add vitamins, but eat well FIRST then take vitamins. A tomatoe a day keeps cancer away.

Drink lots of water and milk – Yes, you need lots of fluids moving through the liver and kidneys. Milk - is just common sense, calcium and vitamin D and the only single source of a complete set of amino acids for your body.

OK, so I sound like I am nagging. Here are the real goals – you want to change your body, you want your body to respond and you do not want to harm your body – right? Simple. It will do you no good to get to the place of being a girl AND needing a liver transplant.

I was married to a clinical pharmacist and I am a Wilderness EMT. I am not a health wacko, but I heal quickly and do not scar. I have never had any surgery, stitches or broken long bones. I have summited mountains, sailed oceans, trekked canyons and travelled foreign lands. I lived for over a decade and a half with no health care.

Ok, you have been patient – so here is my formula for hormones. This works well enough for me that I have pleasant C cup breasts, some nice hips, soft features and (regrettably) some loss in muscle tone… all after a 1.5 year course. Not bad for someone who used to body-build. I do have plans for an Inguinal Orchiectomy – at some time. I will outline my course of body action in a later posting.

 I take two different meds:

Spirotone 100; Spironolactone 100mg – 3x daily in AM

Estrofem 2mg; Oestradiol 2mg – 3x daily in AM

I get them from here

They have a specific TG site catering to both M2F and F2M. Their prices seem reasonable.

Here are their recommendations in M2F

Spironolactone acts as an antiandrogen of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone. Spironolactone in doses of 200–400 mg per day allows the practitioner to decrease exogenous estrogen doses tophysiologic or “hormone replacement” levels while still obtaining desired effects of breast development, feminization of skin, and female fat distribution.

Conjugated estrogens such as Premarin 5 mg daily.
Estradiol such as Progynova (Oestradiol Valerate) or Estrofem 4 mg daily.

So, you can see, I am a little heavy on the Estrofem. My calves can’t take any higher dose of the Spirotone! I dissolve the Estrofem under my tongue (purportedly easier on the liver). Patience will be your watchword here. There is much written about the ‘phases’ of hormones and their effect. I have kept my own rational observations – as well as those of my partner (so you can get an inside and outside view). More to come soon! The fat movement will start about a year into the hormones.

Oh – if you have read this far – bonus!

2 things.

Yes, I will be showing some frontal and full body pictures; not naked     I think I am decent looking and passable (like that were the real measure of a ‘good TG’ – whatever).

Yes, I still get great erections, orgasms and some ejaculation (although there have been some dry ones). It takes a bit more time, but not much more! Use it or lose it was what I was told…

For the continuing chapter, see Hormones, Part Duex

Among the many things I am; I am a lover of vehicles! I mean, I really, really like cars, trucks, buses, motorcycles, boats and tractors! I buy them, fix them up and play with them. My skills in working with them include: welding and fabrication, sewing upholstery, auto body and painting, rebuilding and retrofitting!

What the heck do I do with them? Well, some I fix up and sell, some I drive and enjoy; until I sell them, some I show (and place well)… You get the idea. So it is not too scary, I have not owned them all at once – and nearly every one has been an interesting story. I sold only two of these cars for less than I paid to buy them!

Vehicles I have owned

Cars/Trucks/Buses;

1976 AMC Gremlin X

1988 BMW 325is

1978 BMW 530i

1972 Chevrolet Suburban

1963 Citroen 2CV

1971 Citroen Mahari

1964 Dodge D300 – one ton truck that I owned for 22 years and was the first vehicle I ever bought.

1972 Dodge Dart, 318

1979 Fiat Spyder

1978 Fiat Brava

1972 Ford Pinto

1978 Gillig School Bus 72 pass., Cat 3208, MT643

1974 Gillig Bus

1974 Gillig School Bus 73 pass., Cat 3208, MT643

1956 GMC bus – Carpenter, 42 Passenger – “Blue Moose”

The buses – I owned the Blue Moose from 1989 to 2008. The Blue Moose was my home on two occasions; for a year and a half when running a kayak tour company, and the last trimester and first a year and a half of my sons life. The 1974 Gillig was to be the replacement for the Blue Moose, alas, life changed – again.

1978 Honda Civic

1973 Jeep DJ5 – when I first moved to San Francisco, I needed a car to run around with…

1962 Land Rover 88″ SIIA

1967 Land Rover 109″ SIIA- currently in the stable, since 1998. This one is being fitted as an RHD Australian truck with a 292.

1970 88

1970 Land Rover 88″ SIIA “BEAN TOAD” – currently in the stable, since 1989. Pictures with a hand built SI style pickup top.

1970 Land Rover 88″ SIIA pickup/wrecker/recovery RHD

1972 Land Rover 88 SIII – the original Bean Toad

My infatuation with Series Land Rovers continues to this day. Bean Toad is the steady in my stable, having found her after being left in a farm field for 14 years, abandoned. I bought her in 1989, then I went off sailing and left her in storage. I fixed up my 1970 Land Rover after returning home from cruising (sailing) and she has been on the road since a month before my son was born – November 1992. She still sees use and has been a show winner and off-road competition winner. I will rebuild her once more, restoring the paint and body work and allow her to run out her days (until my son can drive her in a couple years) as a Sunday driver.

1967 Mercedes 250S

1971 Mercedes 404 Unimog

1971 Mercedes Unimog 404 – Swiss Troop Carrier

1972 Mercedes 250C

1959 Nash Metropolitan – I bought one to play with it because my mother owned one as her first car.

1967 Plymouth Valiant, slant 6

1966 Pontiac Beaumont w/283-8 – this one was actually my mothers 2nd car. I drove it to hell and back (while going through University).

1966 Pontiac Beaumont w/230-6

1984 Range Rover (white)

1988 Range Rover (silver) – currently in stable since 2004. Sitting, waiting for the 3.9 to be fitted into Blue Bomber.

1988 Range Rover (blue) – currently in stable, since 2006 – “Blue Bomber”

1990 Range Rover (red)

1968 Renault 8

1969 Renault 8

1970 Renault 8

1976 Renault 17 Gordini – I rebuilt this one from a front end wreck.

1977 Renault 17

2006 Scion Xb - currently in stable, since 2008 – “Blue Box”

The 2006 Scion Xb is the newest car I have ever owned – by nearly 2 decades. I thought that I deserved a break from old cars and wanted something I did not have to build up; for once. I chose this one, because in a sea of cars, minivans and little SUV’s – this one alone stands out. And damn, I love a flatter windscreen, upright seating, rear windows that roll all the way to the bottom and a tall, open roof inside. One of only 2 Japanese cars I have ever owned.

1978 Subaru wagon – cool beater with a high low transfer case. My first real 4 wheel drive!

1979 Subaru GL wagon

1965 Volkswagen Type 2

1971 Volkswagen Type 3

1973 Volkswagen Type 2 Westphalia, with 2L 100hp Porsche

1978 Volkswagen Rabbit diesel

1986 Volkswagen Type 2 Camperized

Motorcycles;

1973 Bultaco Pursang 250 – with vintage flat track and motocross setup parts.

1971 Honda CL360

1973 Honda Trail 90

1976 Honda TS200

1986 Honda 200S – Trike

1972 Hodaka Combat Wombat – #3 serial number!

1976 Kawasaki KT125

1997 KZ1000P as

1997 Kawasaki KZ1000P – Ex Las Vegas Police bike

2001 Kawasaki KLR650 – currently in the stable, since 2005

1972 Suzuki TS125

1973 Suzuki TS 185

1981 Suzuki GS400T

1996 Ural with sidecar

1973 Yamaha 75

1972 Yamaha YS200

1971 yamaha YS 125

1971 Moped

Boats;

Freedom 21 Sailboat - my current sailboat!

1985 Freedom 21’

1976 Kestral 16’

1976 Piver Nimble 30’

Kalakala - Ingrid 38 under full sail

1978 Ingrid 38’

Walker Bay sailing dingy

Gig Harbor Dingy

Zodiak Futura

2 Kahuna surf Kayaks

2 Pungo Kayaks

Inflatable Kayak – in stable

2 Current Designs Kayaks – in stable

Custom touring kayak – in stable; my original British Kayak from 1985

Others;

292 GM engine to be fitted to 1967 109 Land Rover

1951 International WD9

1983 Custom 12’ box utility trailer

1967 13’ travel trailer

1999 Car Caddy tow dolly – currently in the stable, since 2002.

Tent trailer

Chev truck box trailer

1973 VW bug trailer (matching my 1973 VW Bus)

1968 Chrysler Sailboat Trailer

So – are you crazy about vehicles too? My vehicle tastes for cars and trucks run towards European, Buses are American and Motorcycles are Japanese… mostly. Vehicles from Russia, Canada, USA, Japan, England, France, Italy and more!