As I said from the start, I walk my own path – even as a TG.
I have always walked my own path.
We all make choices. As I said with my very first introduction of, I am not one easily labeled. I honestly hope that writing about this continuing journey is useful to those who also find that walking the path less tread has offered me a unique view into myself and society.
Here is how I started the Who Am I…
Who am I?
I was born a male and still retain my penis (does that alone make a male?) – gees, there is that question again… so if a male gets his penis cut off, is he a what? If am F-M never gets a penis are they what? Boy, those never get answered easily.
I have no delusion about having an SRS; I can neither afford one and, in turn, have found a great way to live with my life as it now is. I am born in a different country that will not allow a change in my birth certificate without 2 doctors, in my home province, probing me to make sure I am not a male AFTER a SRS. This in turn effects other ID downstream.
I live as I am myself, I look like a female; and the rest of the world treats me as such.
I still answer to my male birth name. With the conflict of an international birth certificate, international passport, ‘green’ card and local ID, I could not have it all changed and cannot travel with 1/2 a change.
I have had to figure out that between the pink and the blue box there is a space for others. Gender Queers, Gender Benders or as my son said so long ago, “Gender Transformer; more than meets the eye” (he said it in a sing-song voice). I am now what I had been ultimately seeking – something of a balance of gender. I had said all along that I never though of being a female – heck, I know what real women are and there is such a blend of brain, body and soul that makes up the single term gender that we misuse the label ‘woman’ or ‘female’ all the time.
So what are the labels that I apply to myself to help others (and those others include black or white TG’s) understand?
- Married and Father – married to a great, accepting person who accepts both my gender (ambiguity?) and my sexual orientation. Father to an outstanding (not just by my standards) son.
- Gender – I think of myself more as a balance of gender, but others see it differently. When forced into a label, I am either a girl with a penis (which only matters when in change rooms or skinny dipping) or a ‘boy’ who looks like a girl. Mostly as a female who has boy brain knowledge and a penis (which so often seems the focus of TG’s). Most would call me a Preop M2F (not a label I like because it is a ‘bus stop’ on the way to the F). The most recent development is that many in the LGBT community see me as a woman and think I might be considering a gender change to male by using the name ‘David’. Everyone loves to box and label people, even in the community. Honestly, for the most part, I just let people figure it out and they label me female unless I tell them anything else. ‘Passing’ is not a problem, being ‘butch’ enough for travel past the TSA with my ID is more of an issue.
- Sexual Orientation – Gynophiliac (attracted only to women) is what I prefer. If I were a lesbian, then it would stand to reason that I would be with them – but I am not. Lesbians are also Gynophiliac (preferring sexual intimacy with women). I am attracted to women and really needed to be with a female who has a more middle of the road approach to her attraction (bisexual if I had to label). So I either needed a lesbian with NO penis issues or a woman who had no other issues – a tall order! I luckily, have that woman in my life.